by my angry homeridden plaidclad hairy numb ass, I'm sick of this. that's it, not frustrated. sick of:
waking up in the middle of the night because I'm so sexually frustrated I can't sleep.
not talking to anyone in my household.
sounding depressed and weepy when I try. I do NOT affect this. it's annoying. I can be laughing with melyssa on the phone one minute, and bim bam boom someone asks me something and I'm depressed-sounding.
no social life. melyssa's great, stephen's house is okay, but enough of this. how long has it been? a month?
lying. I'm tired of lying. I wish I could just say, look parents I'm doing porn live with it.
I also want to make good money doing it.
I wish people were back. I wish jenna wasn't being reeducated. I wish alex was back. I wish I was making another movie. I wish melyssa was more able to do things. I wish for lauren, kyle, kat. sunny-kristin. antioch. man, I wish I could spend a day, a week, a month with jeremy.
I wish I had money. there, I said it. I hate it, I hate that the world runs on it, but I hate even more that I'm dead without it. dead. in the water, in the earth, worms crawling through my intestines and eating the shit there. take your pick. pick 'em all. hold on.

in non-depressed news, I had a great time with kyle tonight, I really enjoyed "the road," and I'm writing in a new style at a good clip. that makes me happy.